bootstraps

Today I spent most of the day feeling crummy about myself.

I overslept, and then attempted to overcomensate for my sloth-esque morning by doing my taxes. In retrospect, this could have been poor compensation. This is the first year where I owe a significant amount of money. I am not exactly sure what caused the dramatic change... maybe it's the enormous amount of gym classes I've been teaching, or maybe the amount of tax-deductible choices I did NOT make (buy a house, keep receipts of donations, etc.)

To cool off I decided to go on a long walk, during which the zipper of my jacket malfunctioned. In a fit of complete frustration I just broke the whole dang zipper, and had to finish my walk... cold & even more bitter than anticipated.

So of course, what does a girl do when she's frustrated with the men, money and clothing of her life? She turns to her girlfriends, to chocolate, and to mindless movies. This is, in my opinion, the worst remedy ever. After an afternoon of eating senselessly with my roommate, and watching 2 morbidly bad movies, I feel ... worse. Now I feel poor, stupid, and bloated.

over share? deal.

so now after this day of complete gluten, self-pity, and boredom, I am going to bed with a new outlook on tomorrow. Tomorrow, I have the ability to wake up and purge the "bad" I've thrown into my life. I'm going to clean my room, my finances, my desk, and my mind. Yes, maybe this is a bit much to take on ... especially on a "vacation day", but I've been disappointed with my lack of passion lately. I've been irked by my ability to just roll over and accept defeat. Tomorrow, I don't counter frustration with food... tomorrow I will face frustration with determination.

Tonight, I genuinely felt burned by a man. But long story short, he is a older, republican, algebra teacher who is addicted to video games and television. Why on earth would I spent a moments rest, wasted on a person who personifies almost every quality I abhor (except the algebra teacher part, that was actually his most absolute redeeming quality... that and he gave great head. sigh.)

You know how some people say, "you always want what you don't have." Strangely enough, I've found myself wanting... what I don't want. I don't want a life with filled with chocolate laden meals, double movie nights, and "No-bama" loving men. I want a life of activities, raspberries and "yes we can"-ers.

My only glitch is having to actually forget about a guy, whom you actually liked. Flaws and all... sometimes you can't stop yourself from liking someone. However, you CAN help yourself liking something else, MORE. and tomorrow, I want to like MY life. Tomorrow I want to like... me.

Oi... and i want to hate chocolate.