Spring...

In the words of Mez, “You are more entertaining then TV.”

Dear World Wide –

I am an ordeal. I've managed to make my life more juicy than the OC, first season. In order to accurately portray the escapades surrounding my life … I am going to read off, in order, the incoming texts of my life.


Coach: (9:14 PM)
"hi:)"

Ok… this is actually not story I would like to start with… but in honor of chronological txt order… I’ll run with it. A*hem…. Uhhhhh… ok… A*hem. This is hard to say.
...
I’m dating a married man.
...
A married man with 2 kids -- “the girl’s 6, the boy’s 4.” … he has kids with AGES.
...
It’s really hard for me to talk about this topic b/c it seems so aweful. I havent told a soul. Not one single soul. But I'm comfortable when I’m with him. I’m not sleeping with him (thank gawd), but we talk about it. We flirt. And he’s definitely seen my boobs.
...
I have no means to analyze what I'm thinking here... it makes no logical sense because this behavior is so unlike me. I am working through this one...

Cowboy: (6:49 PM)
“no maam. I didn’t get to play cuz I had a horse colic before they were done installing the pool table… I’m at the vet now.”

Did I ever tell you … growing up I used to always say my life’s goal was to have a ranch, with 7 horses. Yup. I wanted to be a cowgirl. I spent all my summers out in west Texas riding horses and falling in love with the stars.
Cowboy was a wrangler when I was a counselor, and I always found him to be the most encapsulating man ever. A real cowboy. Like the ones you assume are satires in movies. He spends all day “running cattle” or fighting brush fires. When the city swells to a wooping 8,000 for an art festival, he feels crowded on the 200 acre ranch he lives/works on. Secretly I want that life. To drop this metro lifestyle, and slap on some flannel and pop out babies. Yeah, I said it… BABIES. All of which would ride horses…
…
I’m sick in the head.

512: (6:42 PM)
"no problem"

This is no one of note… just a funny character I met when getting the handles of my vintage cilo road bike retaped. I went in, and he starts adoring the character of my bike. A topic I can probably talk about for HOURS!
Then he proceeds to play some sort of double personality game, where person A, the employee of a yuppie bike shop, loudly shouted “oh yeah, you should get a new bike. This thing is BEAT” And then duck down and become person B, the avid bike lover who appreciates vintage wheels, and he'd whisper “do not change a thing about this bike, it’s beautiful. I can’t say that here, but call me later and we can talk about preserving this puppy.” And then yells “oh yeah you definitely need new shifters.” … whispers, “do NOT get rid of those they’re classic!”

True story. Funny stuff.
Anyways he gave me his number so we can “discuss the unmentionables of bike-land” topics at a later time.


Laser: (4:31 PM)
"I hate to do this but I have to cancel. Something came up that I can’t get out of… Please don’t take it the wrong way. I was really excited about to tonight. It sucks."

OK… strap on your seat belts. It gets worse. I am semi-training for this 120 mile bike ride in August. Laser is on the training “team” (there's like 5 people on the team). 2 weeks ago Laser found his wife having an affair… with his friend… who is also married. Laser and his wife are divorcing. Drama!!!
Fast forward 2 weeks to last Friday and … ummmm…. He stayed over. I sware I’ve never met the wife, and I only met him 10 days ago, post separation. So my short-term perspective of him claims him as single. But this is wrong... he is, in fact, still married.
In the mean time, he’s staying a mutual friends house (drama there too, we’ll get to at a later date), who actually tried to set us up as a rebound for his "buddy". BUT, as you can see above Laser cancelled our plans tonight. I mean, obviously I can’t help but jump to the conclusion that he’s having issues with the divorce. I can’t ask anything, because again… I’m not emotionally close enough to be able to ask those types of things. “Hey Laser, how’s the divorce cumming along? … I mean COMING!”
Whatever, he totally seduced me… and well!


Coltrane: (8:48 AM)
"Friday night? Cuban dinner and Salsa dancing OR steaks and bowling?"
First can we notice that this man sent this txt at 8:48 AM on a wednesday. He’s a music teacher. He’s cute. He’s easy. Almost too easy. eh.

Powers: (11:59PM – yesterday)
"Grand dinner – Can’t wait to see your house"

Yup. He’s still around.


Anne: (7:14 PM – yesterday)
"Call Me."

Anne is my realtor. Did I mention I bought a house 2 days ago?
Oh yeah… Jannie’s gotta mortgage!!! Stick that in your pipe & smoke it.

I need to be put in a cage.